Where to go?

My eyes close as I enter in a cloud mace, can't see ahead, in a really dark place. Thoughts flow like a leaky faucet. They are down in the drain damn...I lost it. Trying to get back to the surface but taking on water. All this is making me a martyr. I can see the light just afraid it might be the end of my fight. I want to enter but don't want to leave. My family and friends need me. It's like a stacked deck of cards that need shuffling, but the only cards shown are love and suffering. I deal with what I am dealt, but wish I could beat it like my father did me with his belt. They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. If that's true then i need to figure how to conjure. Maybe it's down deep inside, or maybe I just need more God by my side. Maybe the pain actually is making me weaker. Maybe I'm just like those thug rappers who whine through the speaker.