Friday, October 10, 2014


You hear everyday how someone has been inspired by someone or something. Throughout the majority of my life I have always been told I inspire people. This is because of all the obstacles I have had to overcome in my life. These obstacles started at an early age. I was raised by an extremely abusive father. I am not just talking about spankings. I am talking about abuse you see in movies and read about. It was physical and mental abuse that my brothers and I received. Then at the age of 10 I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called Dermatomyositis. This disease attacks my muscles and joints to the point I could not pick up a fork to feed myself. At that time I was told I was only the 52nd person in the world diagnosed with this disease. I was also told I would never walk again or be normal. Well I ended up proving the doctors wrong and made a huge comeback. A year later after being told that I would never walk again. I ended up going back to playing football and made a 75 yard touchdown my 2nd game back. I fell to my knees in the end zone and my teammates and coaches all cleared the bench and celebrated with me. It was a great moment in my life I will always remember. Then a few years later my mother decided she was going to leave my father. This ended up with my father taking his own life. I was now left without a father figure in my life. This was not the only thing his passing brought. His passing left my mother and I broke. We had to move around place to place state to state for my mothers work. She ended up having to work two jobs just to support us. Not only was money tight but our family was broken as well. My fathers death was so hard on the family that it split a lot of us up even some for good. So here I am battling the loss of my father. Seeing my family fall apart and my mother struggling to keep us afloat. This is when I decided I no longer cared about life. I ended up getting involved with the wrong people. I made stupid mistakes and I didn't care about the repercussions. All this time I was also battling my health issues. After a few close calls I realized I needed to try to fix my life for the better. I ended up moving to an island called Nantucket where my oldest brother was living. He had a business and told me to come out and work and learn with him. This was a huge moment in my life. I finally felt like I had a father figure in my life. However I didn't really know how to accept it. I never really had a father figure so how could I learn from one? Well because I was still trying to figure this out I ended up ruining it. I wanted someone to show me how to be a man. However I didn't want to be told how to be one. It was hard for me to take advice from him because I was always so independent. This ended up me pushing my brother away. So then I was back to what I had always known, being alone. I did what I could to keep a roof over my head. I ended up meeting a girl and got her pregnant. I was only 20 years old at the time. I was scared but excited at the time same. I ended marrying this girl because it was the "right" thing to do. I pushed as hard as I could to support my new family. Sadly the mother of my child was not truly ready to be a mother. We ended up getting a divorce and had a nasty custody battle. When things finally got worked out in court I was now back to being alone but this time with a baby. Everyone expected me to fail as a father. Rightfully so as I never really had a father so how would I know how to be one. Well I proved many wrong. One thing nobody can ever say about me is that I am not a good father. All the pain and loss I had dealt with helped fuel me to be something I always wanted, a great father figure. My daughter is now 13 and is growing into being an amazing woman. She is my greatest accomplishment. I have worked in the world of music and made a big name for myself. I created and ran huge companies. I have worked as a producer for a tv show. I became a name in the world of mixed martial arts. I have done a lot in my life but nothing compairs to being a good father. Now why am I listing all my accomplishments? Well because with all those things I have achieved I can not list one thing or person who inspired me to do all this. What is weird is that through all my accomplishments I was always told I was an inspiration. I helped others reach their goals and always gave advice on how they can overcome their own life's obsticles. What is weird is that I had become this inspiration to so many when I had never had an inspiration in my own life. So how is it that I can inspire people when I don't even know what or who inspires me? I guess not having something makes you more familiar with it then just having it. When you don't have something but want it you strive to learn more about it. I guess through my life experiences I have learned what inspires people but I haven't learned what or who inspires me.  

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